Let’s Talk About What Matters When Baby Arrives
After writing Clarity Over Noise, it felt important to take the next step and name what I actually mean by clarity. I’m going to try to put into words what matters: what is worth holding on to as you prepare to become a parent, and as you move through the first months with your baby.
If you’re expecting your first child, or you’re in the thick of those early weeks, I hope you can feel this as reassurance. You don’t need to know it all. You don’t need to prepare for every scenario. Focus on the basics: safe sleep foundations, feeding support (whatever feeding looks like for you), basic care (nappies, soothing, simple hygiene), and knowing when to ask for help. This is enough. Repeat the basics until they feel familiar, and let that be your anchor. That’s what creates the conditions for confidence to grow.
When you keep the beginning simple, you give yourself room to recover and adjust. You give yourself room to learn your baby in real time rather than trying to interpret them through other people’s advice. You give the relationship room to form without turning it into a project. And that is where so much of early parenthood becomes lighter, not because it stops being demanding, but because you stop carrying unnecessary weight.
There are some very good books out there, but you don’t need ten. If you like having something in your hands, choose one solid, practical book about newborn care (or borrow one from a friend) and let that be enough. The basics of good care are largely consistent, and the truly essential guidance is also available through trusted sources like the NHS and other reputable services. One book, one antenatal class if you want it, and the basics above. Believe me, this is enough to start.
In the beginning, confidence doesn’t come from having the perfect plan. It comes from repetition: feeding, changing, soothing, resting, adjusting. You will have questions, of course you will, and it’s always okay to ask for help and get things checked. But early on, your job isn’t to interpret every piece of advice out there. Your job is to learn your baby.
The basics free you because they create enough steadiness that you can be present. Presence, as I mean it, isn’t about being calm all the time or enjoying every second. It’s being available to meet what’s real as it’s happening, without turning every moment into a problem to solve. Your baby doesn’t need you constantly researching, optimising, or doing more. In the beginning, they mostly need safety, feeding support, rest, and your steady closeness.
It helps, too, to prepare your home for ease rather than for “having everything”. The goal isn’t to be equipped. It’s to be supported. A safe, calm place for baby to rest. What you need for feeding, whatever feeding looks like for you. A simple changing setup. A home that feels convenient, not perfect. You don’t need to overbuy, overplan, or overorganise. You just want to be able to reach what you need without adding extra effort to already-full days. This kind of preparation isn’t about control. It’s about lightness. It makes it easier to stay with what’s happening, rather than constantly problem-solving.
Connection and support matter too, and they don’t have to look like a big plan. If you can, prepare a small web of support. Not a large network, just a few warm points of contact. Family support, if it’s available and feels good. A close friend you can message without explaining yourself. One or two local parent connections, so you can meet for a walk and feel less alone in it. And, if it’s accessible to you, professional support you can call on. You don’t have to know exactly what you’ll need. The point is simply to have somewhere to turn, practically and emotionally, so you’re not holding everything alone.
I come from practice before theory. I learnt by being with babies and families: noticing, responding, adjusting, and slowly building trust in what was in front of me. When I later added formal training, more reading and frameworks, I understood how easily parents can end up feeling pulled in five directions at once. Not because they’re doing anything wrong, but because early parenthood already asks a lot of your mind and body. Too much direction too soon can make it harder to learn your baby, harder to trust yourself, and harder to truly enjoy the beginning. At the start, confidence grows best in the day-to-day relationship.
If you enjoy theory, frameworks, or wider reflections on parenting, and it genuinely nourishes you, that can be a lovely companion. The only thing to watch is the feeling underneath it. If learning comes from curiosity or inspiration, it can be grounding. But if it starts to feel like a duty, something you should do to be a “good” parent, or if it’s driven by perfectionism or anxiety, it can quickly become counterproductive. It can create the sense that there’s a right way you’re meant to find, rather than a relationship you’re meant to build. Choose content that leaves you more spacious, not more tight. More like yourself, not more on edge. Something that supports you without directing you. Frameworks are fine. Ideology is heavy.
One of the kindest things you can do for yourself is to let the first months be basic. Basic doesn’t mean bleak. It means essential. It means you’re not piling extra commitments on top of a season that already asks a lot. This isn’t the moment to create a schedule for yourself or your baby. It’s the moment to leave room for what you can’t yet predict: recovery, the reality of sleep, feeding rhythms, how your baby settles, how you feel emotionally. Keeping expectations low doesn’t make you passive. It makes you available. You’ll know when there’s space for more. You’ll feel it. And when that moment comes, adding something can be lovely, as long as it nourishes you, not pressures you.
And then, once the essentials are covered, what’s left is yours. Your baby doesn’t need you to add more. They will get closeness through ordinary life: feeding, cuddles, nappy changes, little moments of eye contact, the sound of your voice, the way you hold them. If you have extra time or energy in these months, it belongs to you. Use it for what supports you becoming a parent with steadiness: rest, food, movement that feels doable (often a walk is perfect), a shower without rushing, a conversation that makes you feel like yourself, a little work or a small project if it genuinely feels good, or simply being still while the baby sleeps. What matters most at the beginning is not doing more. It’s having enough space to be with your baby. It’s having enough space to stay connected to yourself.
If you only take a few things from this, let them be these. Know the basics, including the few red flags that tell you when to ask for help, and then stop there for now. Set up your home for convenience and keep it simple, so caring for your baby asks less of your brain. Plan for support ahead of time where you can, both emotional and practical: someone to check in on you, help you rest, and be a steady pair of hands when you need one. And beyond that, remember this: what’s left of your time and energy is yours. Save it for your recovery, your steadiness, and whatever nourishes you. Your baby doesn’t need you to add more. They need you close, well supported, and present.
